OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
