Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I've blown a few things in my day
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
