I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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