pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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