this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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