how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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