Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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