dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There are leaves in my underwear?
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