Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
