Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
