Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
