so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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