i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize