OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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