ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
