Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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