And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
