Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
