We won't sleep together?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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