i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
