He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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