Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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