In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
