Me too!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I cockslap morals
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
