I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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