My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
