Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
are you so shy because you have an std?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
