I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
