well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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