she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
