...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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