I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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