First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
