Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
