I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
