its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
