I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
