hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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