So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
