drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
