You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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