we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
