I seem to have left my pride at pride
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
