You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
