she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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