Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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