I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
