I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
