my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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