i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
