Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
