Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sext me about skeletons
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
