I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
