If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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