my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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