Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
3pm strippers are depressing
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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