I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
