you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
