Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
