my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
