If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
