he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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