I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
