When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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