Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
