my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
