Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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