look no pants
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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