i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
