You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
