just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
