No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
