I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
