I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
