Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
