last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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