Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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