my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
